Dear Santa

How is it that a 2nd grade, 45 pound, petite 7 year old girl scout can belch and fart louder and smellier then a sailor.
On my perfect lunch ride today, I had 3 flats. After the 3rd one, I had no tubes or patch kits left, so I did a bad thing and rode the rim back to my house.
I was late to pick up the kids from school because of all the flats. I tried to run with the bike a few times, but road shoes are slippery on wet ass fault and I did the splits and faulted on my ass a few times. So I got back on the bike and used the front brakes and rode real slow down Joaquin Miller onto Robinson and home. Good thing I learned me some good cx skills this season. I rode that rim like a princess.
Here's what the belcher gave me to mail to santa today:
Dear Saint Nick, I wold not want to be noddy. I want to be nice. So please give me some presints. My brother Sam is mean to me sometimes. I wold be happy if you taught him a lesson. Hopflee you git this letter. If you do please sighn back on the back of this paper. Sincerely, Lulu (Louise Fletcher) P.S. Thank you, bye.